I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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