I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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