the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
