omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
