I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
