Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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