Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
