Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
