How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
