im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
