Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
