When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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