Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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