i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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