Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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