Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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