you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
