His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
