I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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