Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So squirting runs in the family.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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