I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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