how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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