In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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