Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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