she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
