...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
