one might say we're banned from that church
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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