The maid of honor just puked.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
