I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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