god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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