just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
