I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
