just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
