I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
