I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
