I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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