At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
