you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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