you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
