I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
