one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
