I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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