dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
