She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
