Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
