Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
honey bunches of taint.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
