:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
