i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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