Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
