3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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