dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
