When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
