The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
