Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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